Confidence vs. Arrogance

I believe that confidence is key in nearly every aspect of life. But what is confidence? It’s not an unwavering belief in yourself. Basically it’s your own cockiness being held back by a realistic set of expectations that you adhere to. Maybe that was a little to get your head around, maybe not. I like to think that there’s a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Unfortunately, I don’t think many people can tell the difference. Arrogant people will come over, introduce themselves, and give you a firm handshake. Confident people will do the same.

Where the difference lies, I think, is not in the outward appearance of the person, but their inner view of themselves. A confident person tends to be aware of his own faults, and uses this knowledge to avoid those situations, or, when uncomfortable situations arise, they are ready for them. Confident people also treat themselves as “just another person.” They don’t play themselves down, however they evaluate themselves from the outside looking in, rather than for example, someone who is shy and thinks other people are judging him all the time. Confident people will be able to brush off embarrassment, as would arrogant people.

Arrogant people, however, do not evaluate themselves nearly as much. They tend to have overinflated egos, loud, and obnoxious habits. This could be viewed as confident, and in a way it is. The difference is, while confident people are aware of their faults, and can compensate for them, arrogant people react similarly, because they are too self-absorbed to notice these faults.

That’s why it pisses me off when arrogant people are more successful than other less-outgoing people. We all have those friends that give off the wrong vibe when you first meet them. Those are the friends that you have to introduce other people to first, and direct the conversation in a way that their personality shows through. I think we can all agree that once you get to know these almost anti-social friends, you learn that they are great people. And of course you eventually figure out who is confident and who is arrogant. This takes a little work and a fair amount of time.

I guess I’m just writing this so that you can try to realize who is an asshole, and who is sure of themselves. It’s easy to get these things confused if you want to go out and just have a good time. I don’t blame people for confusing them, but I do feel sorry for them. I guess most people try not to judge people. We are taught not to judge people from the time we are children, but that is another story for another day.

I guess this is also a warning. Have an ego, build your ego whenever you can, just make sure to be aware of yourself. Be awake to how people respond to you. Be aware of what people have to say about you. Most importantly, don’t let anything anyone says go to your head. Don’t blow any compliment out of proportion, but also, never forget to be able to brush off insults. People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, and remember that you don’t have to please everyone. If you go out fishing, you will always lose some, you will probably throw some back, and you might also never even get a nibble. But remember, when you go out fishing, the larger the net you cast, the more likely you are to catch something.

The Myth of the Platonic Relationship

Plato believed that lust and purely physical attraction hindered true love. Of course, that’s a good idea, but strikes me as nothing more than a good concept for a Disney movie. I cannot imagine any relationship, romantic or not, to be completely free of sexual desires.

Just about every guy I know has female friends they would never dream of having a romantic relationship with. But does that mean that they aren’t physically or sexually attracted to them? It is hard-wired into the human mind to search for the most suitable mate. Many attributes of women that most men find attractive are little more than evolutionary biases. Larger hips, athletic bodies, men are attracted to women that will be able to mother more children and be able to support the family.

Even psychologically, men and women both favor the confident go-getter personality over the lazy, uninteresting couch potato. How many times has any man or woman asked how to make an impression and received the advice “just be confident in yourself?”

But I digress.

To have a platonic relationship is to take all of these impulses to essentially do your part to help the human race survive, and completely ignore them. That is not to say that it is not possible to hold back these urges. I have plenty of female friends that I do not approach romantically because my logic tells me that it is a terrible idea. But nonetheless, these desires are still present.

But of course there may be friends that do not create in you any desire to be with them romantically at all. My question is, are those feelings (or lack thereof) reciprocated? I am no mind reader, but I feel that the answer is vehemently, no.

No one can completely remove themselves from these essentially evolutionary urges. They are in nearly all cases controllable, and you can block them out, but never truly be rid of them.

Have you ever had a crush on someone, or had a one night stand with someone? Probably. Now, think back and analyze how you felt about the other person before these events happened. When compared to how you feel about them now, have things changed? On the surface, in front of friends you can put on your game face. Act as if everything is right as rain. But how often do you see that person and think of the moments when you were attracted to them?