The Myth of the Platonic Relationship

Plato believed that lust and purely physical attraction hindered true love. Of course, that’s a good idea, but strikes me as nothing more than a good concept for a Disney movie. I cannot imagine any relationship, romantic or not, to be completely free of sexual desires.

Just about every guy I know has female friends they would never dream of having a romantic relationship with. But does that mean that they aren’t physically or sexually attracted to them? It is hard-wired into the human mind to search for the most suitable mate. Many attributes of women that most men find attractive are little more than evolutionary biases. Larger hips, athletic bodies, men are attracted to women that will be able to mother more children and be able to support the family.

Even psychologically, men and women both favor the confident go-getter personality over the lazy, uninteresting couch potato. How many times has any man or woman asked how to make an impression and received the advice “just be confident in yourself?”

But I digress.

To have a platonic relationship is to take all of these impulses to essentially do your part to help the human race survive, and completely ignore them. That is not to say that it is not possible to hold back these urges. I have plenty of female friends that I do not approach romantically because my logic tells me that it is a terrible idea. But nonetheless, these desires are still present.

But of course there may be friends that do not create in you any desire to be with them romantically at all. My question is, are those feelings (or lack thereof) reciprocated? I am no mind reader, but I feel that the answer is vehemently, no.

No one can completely remove themselves from these essentially evolutionary urges. They are in nearly all cases controllable, and you can block them out, but never truly be rid of them.

Have you ever had a crush on someone, or had a one night stand with someone? Probably. Now, think back and analyze how you felt about the other person before these events happened. When compared to how you feel about them now, have things changed? On the surface, in front of friends you can put on your game face. Act as if everything is right as rain. But how often do you see that person and think of the moments when you were attracted to them?