Finals Week

The only thing worse than the holidays for depression is finals week. Take a 20 year old adolescent, who has been sheltered form the real world for his whole life, slap him with nearly sixty thousand dollars of debt, and give him a cumulative assessment of the past three years of his life. Call it seasonal depression, cabin fever, stress, or test anxiety; it all boils down to this young man over-exaggerating the influence that one semester will have on the rest of his life.

We have an over-caffeinated, under-rested child with nothing but stress on his mind. Throw on a whopping dose of self-doubt and you’ve got what most college kids turn into this time of year. There isn’t an easy escape from all of this stress, except to realize that the end is in sight. Count down the days, the hours, the minutes and the seconds until this hellish week is over.

The only advice I can give is this: Give it your damned best shot, in the end everything will turn out all right.

Self-Esteem

Self Esteem is a tricky business. A lot of people hold themselves to a higher standard than they hold others. But why do we do this? We tend to hold each other’s opinions of ourselves to a higher standard than our own. We don’t look at ourselves as another passer by. We act like we are being scrutinized far more often than we are in actuality. We put more value on the opinions of others than we do in our own. But why do we do this?

I don’t know if there is a clear answer to this. Few people have the capacity to understand how they are looked at. The best way I can describe this is to explain the first time I realized how my peers were really viewing me.

It was the summer before I went to college. The school organized a weekend orientation, where we’d learn the ropes of the school and meet some of our classmates. Literally no one knew anyone else. Throughout the day, we were sent throughout the campus to learn the ropes. Here’s where you go to class; here’s where you pay your bills; Here’s where you get your mail. This went on for a solid six hours. At the end of the day, the school threw an “ice cream social”.

There were few groups of kids doing much more than standing awkwardly in circles with their would-be new friends. I have never seen so many sets of eyes never stray from a cup of ice cream. I took a step back and Took it all in. I had spent all day trying so hard to make a good impression by doing the exact same thing that hundreds of other people were. All these people were too afraid to act like themselves for fear of rejection. Everyone was acting the way I felt. No one wanted to show too much skin for fear of being torn down by the people they were destined to spend the next four years with.

The key to having high self-esteem is to feel comfortable being uncomfortable. To be fine with expanding your comfort zones. Going out on a limb, and then jumping off. There is no straight answer to gaining confidence, except to take your comfort zone and expand it. Build yourself up in your head. Picture who you would like to become and ask yourself “what would I do if I were who I want to be”?

Therapy Isn't Just For Crazy People

There, I said it. I’m very open about my experiences through therapy and my own development throughout the process. Sometimes when I tell people that I’ve been seeing a shrink for almost two years, they seem shocked. As far as I can tell, they immediately start wondering what horrible psychological condition I had suffered from. These are the old fashioned people that still believe in the early 1900s version of the psych asylums. Crazy people walking around in straight jackets, drooling all over themselves.

I guess it’s easier for people to pretend that’s the way it is. The field of psychology has advanced exponentially from this “dark age.” However, there are lingering assumptions among the general population that seeing a psychologist or a counselor is an admittance of weakness or some form of insanity.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. Taking the first step in admitting you need help is difficult. Once you take this step though, you will be glad you did. Whether you’re looking for counseling for a serious condition, or just going through a depressive phase, counseling WILL help. The process of understanding how and why your thoughts and feelings are affecting you can make the difference between being barely functional and reaching your full potential.

Granted, every clinician sees their fair share of paranoid schizophrenics and anti-social personalities, but that doesn’t mean they can’t help you with your more mundane problems. When I began therapy, I had a serious anxiety disorder. Through therapy, I have overcome that problem, but I still see a therapist regularly. It helps to see someone, even if you are past a depressive phase or other traumatic event. Just because you feel better now doesn’t mean you can’t learn ways to avoid similar anxious and depressive feelings in the future.

Anxiety, depression and other psychological disorders all have certain phases that they go through. If you are depressive, you may be depressed for a few weeks at a time, but then you may recover for a month or two. The depression or anxiety phase will likely return. If, in the meantime you seek counseling and learn about the sources of these feelings, you have a very good chance of being able to handle the next phase.

Do not be afraid of seeing a shrink. They are people like you and I, and will be a great help. If you see a therapist during a massive depressive episode, it will help. If you see a therapist after your grandma dies, it will help. If you see a therapist after you fail a test, it will help. Do not be afraid of the stigmas associated with seeing a therapist.