Self-Esteem

Self Esteem is a tricky business. A lot of people hold themselves to a higher standard than they hold others. But why do we do this? We tend to hold each other’s opinions of ourselves to a higher standard than our own. We don’t look at ourselves as another passer by. We act like we are being scrutinized far more often than we are in actuality. We put more value on the opinions of others than we do in our own. But why do we do this?

I don’t know if there is a clear answer to this. Few people have the capacity to understand how they are looked at. The best way I can describe this is to explain the first time I realized how my peers were really viewing me.

It was the summer before I went to college. The school organized a weekend orientation, where we’d learn the ropes of the school and meet some of our classmates. Literally no one knew anyone else. Throughout the day, we were sent throughout the campus to learn the ropes. Here’s where you go to class; here’s where you pay your bills; Here’s where you get your mail. This went on for a solid six hours. At the end of the day, the school threw an “ice cream social”.

There were few groups of kids doing much more than standing awkwardly in circles with their would-be new friends. I have never seen so many sets of eyes never stray from a cup of ice cream. I took a step back and Took it all in. I had spent all day trying so hard to make a good impression by doing the exact same thing that hundreds of other people were. All these people were too afraid to act like themselves for fear of rejection. Everyone was acting the way I felt. No one wanted to show too much skin for fear of being torn down by the people they were destined to spend the next four years with.

The key to having high self-esteem is to feel comfortable being uncomfortable. To be fine with expanding your comfort zones. Going out on a limb, and then jumping off. There is no straight answer to gaining confidence, except to take your comfort zone and expand it. Build yourself up in your head. Picture who you would like to become and ask yourself “what would I do if I were who I want to be”?